i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
Randomize
