the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
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