I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize
