You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
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