It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
Randomize
