come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
Randomize
