I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Randomize
