just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
Randomize
