I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Randomize
