I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Randomize
