dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
Randomize
