How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
