My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
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