I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
Randomize
