u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
