Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
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