u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Randomize
