Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
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