...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
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