it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
