What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
if i can run in heels then i can drive
tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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