One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
Randomize
