dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
