Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
