Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
He passed out mid-signature
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
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