youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
Randomize
