Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
Randomize
