That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
Randomize
