Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
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