Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
Randomize
