I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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