It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
Randomize
