dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
