I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
