R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
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