Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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