this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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