i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
Randomize
