He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
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