There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
Randomize
