I love black thongs
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
tonight lets celebrate not being married
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
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