Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
