It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
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