Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
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