If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
