Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
