I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
Randomize
