I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
There r osticjed everywhere
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
Randomize
