Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Randomize
