Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Randomize
