She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
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