I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
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