I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
You had me at "let me see your balls"
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
